The word breakup came to me from an experience this past week. I shared some of my perspectives in yesterday's mystery Monday poem, “The Breakup.”
Basically, through a text conversation with my sweet girl, I realized she's a little restless, like all of us, and is trying to find her place. She's transitioning, and through my pondering, it hit me that we're going through a breakup of sorts. Our roles are shifting, changing. She's off trying to make her life - figure out her way. She's making decisions and having ponderings of her own, and as I sit at home, wondering what she's doing, why she's not texting me, who is she with, it was time for me to accept our new dynamic. Let her go. She's ready for new relationships to help her discover her. I realized that I needed to let that happen. It feels like a breakup, or at least it does today. It did just happen last week.
As I step back, I'm sure it will be seen as a growth spurt and, as some of my readers offer – more of a relationship remodel. But for now, the newness of this changed role makes me need a mental hard stop – a breakup.
Today's parents have too many tools to stay connected to their children at this stage of their life, college. Our parents had none of it, and we (parents today) were free to screw it all up, and we did to some degree, here or there. And maybe that's why we want to get all up in their biz. Who knows. Perhaps I'm the child, and she's the parent in our relationship. During this first year of university, I felt more like a parental stalker than a mature adult. Still, whatever it was, I realized I was limiting her ability to grow because I wanted to fix everything for her. I'm the mom. But at this stage in her life, she doesn't even know what needs to be fixed. I can't keep her from experiencing the process of learning how to fix things unless she fixes things.
Now, the word “breakup” might sound negative. Harsh. Sad. But through my week of pondering, I found it hopeful. Its depth of meaning is much more than just something coming to a close or serving as a changing moment. It has power for both parties.
It offers newfound freedom. Opportunities. New beginnings. Soul searching. Growth.
It builds our character. Strengthens our grit and brings a fresh start to that moment in time. In reflection, what changes in your life came from a breakup, and are those changes better?
There is an end and a new beginning no matter what side of the breakup one sits. Our experiences are forever different. The attitude or emotional impact of the act is simply determined by the perspective we apply to it.
It happens either by choice, or not, and it is God's way of saying there is more for you. His plans do not include these plans. The change must occur for you to grow and, in some instances, survive. Find courage in the experience. Gain strength from the loss. Ponder the situation. Envision the outcomes now possible due to letting something go or having been let go.
Every breakup gives you a chance to do it right the next time.
The word breakup is defined by change, wanted or not, sometimes put upon us before we are ready. It is never easy because of the emotional equity invested.
For a daughter ready to spread her wings and a mother having to release her, the breakup is hopeful, sometimes hidden behind tears, but liberated by a remodeled relationship. Embrace the word.
Breakup with the fear of losing someone – and explore the new dynamic.
Breakup with enabling someone – and see them change.
Breakup with a bad habit – and liberate yourself.
Breakup with social media – and become more social.
Breakup with depression – and find out why you are depressed.
Break up with alcohol – and be fully present.
Break up with apathy – and find your joy.
Break up with anything that is not working or hindering you from moving to where you are nudged to go.
Breakup and move forward.
In your new moment, welcome the opportunity to refresh, listen quietly to Him and see where He leads. A breakup releases worldly restraints that are slowly tightening around us. It brings clarity and a realization that anything leaving is actually a planned event meant to be life-changing.
How we interpret and manage it depends on how we receive it.
Is there something that needs a breakup?
Is it holding you back, or are you holding something back?
Thank you for reading Ponder This and following my ponders. If you like what you read, please share. We’re trying to build an audience. Until our next ponder, be safe, be happy, give grace, show kindness and keep pondering.